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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Well the preeclampsia seems to be better. I am feeling a lot better. Today was the first day that my blood pressure has been relatively normal all day and it is the first day that i haven't had a headache in almost 3 weeks! I also feel like moving around a bit, which I haven't.
I am grateful to God for restoring me and helping Isabella one more time.

What an unimaginable journey. I never could have dreamed the last few months. If I had dreamed them, I wouldn't have understood and would have thought of it as a nightmare. But I don't now. I see things so differently than I did, it's hard to imagine where I started.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I am dreaming of rocking, nursing and snuggling. I am dreaming of swingsets and playgrounds. I am dreaming of teaparties, playdates and ABC's.
I can't wait to meet and hold you.
I'll confess that I am not even thinking about sleepless nights. I am dreaming of staring at you in the wee hours and listening to the wee sounds you make as we rock the night away.
Rachel has a new camera. I know we will get some great shots of you at your birth.
Would you please get in birth position. I am waiting.
I love you, Baby.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dear Lord,
My blood pressure is up again. Please hold of any eclampsia and keep Isabella safe.
I love You.
In Jesus Name and By the Power of His Blood.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My dearest most precious Isabella,
Who knew that monitoring you would be so fun? You were a crack. I love you, baby. You have a fiesty little personality that has served you well during this difficult time. I thank the Lord that He blessed you with some of your mother's obstinance. My closest friends and family have labeled me as stubborn and I agree. It has served me well. Sometimes our strengths can be our faults. I am sure that sometimes my stubborn determination extends itself to that degree at times. I try to be reasonable, but if I am sure, I am sure.

I prefer another name for it. It sounds better. Perseverance.
Never give up!

Sometimes I label it optimism, determined that if I never give up, I haven't failed yet. Not only that, but with God all things are possible!
Sounds reasonable to me.

Did I remember to tell you that you threw a little fit during your nonstress test monitoring yesterday? They couldn't keep the monitor on you. You weren't having any of it. Every time it touched you, you squirmed out of the way. After almost an hour, you finally gave up and consented to the little monitor touching you. LOL!

I was so encouraged by your determination to avoid that monitor. It seemed very healthy to me.

I can't wait to meet you, hold you and love you...... I am dreaming daydreams of nursing, rocking and singing (I am choosing to forget sleepless nights, but will confess that I will praise God for every one if He lets me keep you.)I am dreaming of swingsets, sandboxes and strollers.
I am dreaming of loving you for a long time. I think this is one of the first times that my heart has been able to go there, precious. Keeping you is one of the deepest desires of my heart. The reality that I might not get to has been all too real. (Father, keep her safe.)

Must be prayers lifting me up and encouraging my heart.

I feel better this week. If labor and blood pressure problems will hold off, I will fix you a nursery. I can't wait.

I love you so much!


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

My blood pressure is officially up. I can't get it down unless I am lying down. I started some Aldomet, but I don't know if it will help yet.
They did some tests for preeclampsia today and I will do a 24 hour urine tommorow. All my blood work came back OK, but I have retained a lot of fluid over the past week.
Then, when I went to work, I had contractions the entire time I was on my feet. They stopped when I got home and started resting, but I don't know how many more strikes I can take and keep on. I sure do hope I can keep going at least another week. But I will listen to what they tell me.
The good news is that Isabella passed her NST. I was relieved that her heartrate was good when she was moving. And she decided she did not like that monitor on her at all. She moved a lot! LOL! She threw a little fit when they started. She was all riled up. The very idea of anyone fooling aroung with her. I am so careful to pay attention to the things she indicates she hates. She doesn't like tight pants. She hates for me to bend over. She really doesn't like for me to poke around on her, but I confess that sometimes I do because I like to watch her kick. She really has not been crazy about me lying on my left side, but I found out that that is the only way to get my blood pressure down, so I have ignored her on that one. She has adjusted.
They were so sweet on the OB floor and told me to come back anytime I was the least bit worried about her. Better safe than sorry. Since I have been worried on the days she is not very active, that made me feel better.
Thank you, Lord that I made it through this day of work after the monitoring. Please continue to bless me and Isabella. Keep her safe until it's time for her to make an appearance.
Again, You know the desire of my heart.I pray that she would be perfectly healthy.
I know that You are able and I am not ashamed to ask.( "Ye have not because ye ask not." That doesn't mean He will say yes, only that I should ask. If I were perfectly in tune with His will, I would know what He wills and ask for that. But I am not there. I don't know if I ever will be. Sometimes I hear Him very clearly on some issues. And sometimes I can't make it out at all.
I have been almost sure many times in this pregnancy that He was saying "no" and then we passed another month that I didn't think we would make. I obviously was not hearing Him correctly, thank heavens!)
Lord, I know you give us enought light for the step we are on and ready for.
Thank you for all You are and all You do.
I love You. I really do.
Lord, bless my marriage.
This pregnancy, the wedding, and working have strained things greatly. He really didn't want to deal with what was already on his plate, much less anything new. He has really hurt my feelings with a lack of care and consideration. I need Your healing power. I need the strength to save up forgiveness until he is able to want it.
I need Your love to pour through me, unmerited and undeserved, to him.
Fill my heart with what You would. Shape me as You would. Help me to be ready for molding and shaping into what You would have me to be.
I can't change anyone but myself and I am only responsible for myself.
Thank You for that too!
In Jesus Name and by the Power of HIS HOLY BLOOD,

I am so grateful. I am humbled and grateful that You always see me through the blood of Your Precious Son. Those words don't really encompass how I feel about that.
It's Your Grace.
Unmerited favor.
Love beyond measure, totally underserved.
No way to earn it. But no need, thank goodness.
You're always there... Trying to help me see... Trying to help me grasp...Leading me...Loving me... Guiding me...
I want to share You with a dying world and help them see the God I see.
I want them to know the God I know.
They don't know how much You love them.
Lord, help me to become a purer vessel for You, help me to forsake the sins that beset me and get in the way of Your desire to live through me.
I want so badly to be a vessel for You. It's pretty obvious how far I fall short.
Thank You for You unlimited patience, love and forgiveness.
Thank You for Your unlimited ability to do above and beyond all that I ask or can envision.
Forgive me for all the ways I fail You.
Thank You for that forgiveness.

Please let me work this week to keep some of my income until Isabella is here. Thank You for allowing me to work until now. Forgive me for the times I have complained about doing too much. I am grateful for how You have provided.

Help me to be the wife, mother, and friend that You have created me to be.

Help me to remember Your unlimited power and love as I go through my day.
Keep me in constant prayer. Help me be with You as I go through my day. If I worked harder at walking with You instead of my misguided attempts to live for You(As much as I would like to think it does, it does Not come naturally! Unless You are constantly living through me, I am walking in my own power... No wonder I am not seeing the results I would like to see.)
I love You and am so grateful to be Yours.

In Jesus Precious Name and By the Power of His Precious Blood,