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Friday, September 5, 2014


I've realized that I've been stuffing my heartaches away for far too long. Life is too short to settle for constant heartache. The problem is that I have always been an optimistic, hopeful person. My loyalties run deep. When I make a commitment, I am determined to keep it. But recently, friends and my children are pointing out to me that it is not necessarily healthy for me to do that. I can finally admit that I can't keep doing that. I am heartbroken. REcognizing that now doesn't change the past. I can only control the present. Regret accomplishes nothing. I have given my all, I can't regret that, but I can mourn the lost potential of all those years and I am. On to the future. God and I will create beauty from the ashes of my life. I am going to fill my days with things that will bring me joy, travel, hobbies I love, my children and family and friends. I don't think David will ever be willing to make the effort to participate in a full life. He doesn't want to do anything but watch TV and the computer. He will never admit what happened the past 25 years, and that leaves little room for improvement and little room for hope. If you can't admit your mistakes, you can 't correct them. I am sad for him. He will be miserable without me. But it is his choice. His pride and selfishness trap him in his own little world.
Why would I give up on our amazing God? God has changed David's heart and we are happy once again.
I almost gave up.
I almost decided to throw it all away in my unhappiness.
But God was merciful to me and restored what was broken.
Don't give up on God.

Married Sex is the Best Sex

I've been married for 32 years. My body doesn't look like it did when I was 19, neither does his. We don't care. Your love story isn't about the love you started out with, but it's about the love you build the older you grow. Forgiveness, shared hardships, children, shared jokes,  your comfortable. At  this point, if you want to do it in the bedroom,  you know it only contributes to your love story. You realize that if you want to shake things up together, anything that is mutually enjoyed is game. You can't have that at 19. You don't really know anything about sex at that age, at least I didn't. I'm grateful for mutual forgiveness, for the love that builds as you forgive and love through the hurts and hardships of a committed marriage. Sometimes in my life, staying married has been the hardest thing I ever did. I'm glad we didn't give up on each other. Sometimes the hurt went deep enough that I didn't think I could forgive it. But God is always the song in my heart when I forget that I have a song. He is able to take anything that you give Him and rebuild it. There was a time that my marriage was dead. My pastor advised me that it wasn't a crime to bury a dead marriage. I thought that God was in the business of raising the dead. Nearly 21 years later, He has. Mutually commitment, mutual forgiveness, and love have over come the obstacles to a loving relationship by the miracles that God performs. I had given up hope of renewing my marriage,  but God surprised me by working all things together for good. Only an amazing God could have restored my marriage at this point. I am grateful that He has loved me when I felt unloved, sustained me when I didn't think that I could endure, and forgives me when I don't do what I should.
Commitment is what love is all about. God is the author of unconditional love and He hates divorce. He can restore anything in His time.

Isaiah 40:31New King James Version (NKJV)

31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Galatians 6:9
New International Version
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Wait on Him. Trust him.