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Friday, September 5, 2014


I've realized that I've been stuffing my heartaches away for far too long. Life is too short to settle for constant heartache. The problem is that I have always been an optimistic, hopeful person. My loyalties run deep. When I make a commitment, I am determined to keep it. But recently, friends and my children are pointing out to me that it is not necessarily healthy for me to do that. I can finally admit that I can't keep doing that. I am heartbroken. REcognizing that now doesn't change the past. I can only control the present. Regret accomplishes nothing. I have given my all, I can't regret that, but I can mourn the lost potential of all those years and I am. On to the future. God and I will create beauty from the ashes of my life. I am going to fill my days with things that will bring me joy, travel, hobbies I love, my children and family and friends. I don't think David will ever be willing to make the effort to participate in a full life. He doesn't want to do anything but watch TV and the computer. He will never admit what happened the past 25 years, and that leaves little room for improvement and little room for hope. If you can't admit your mistakes, you can 't correct them. I am sad for him. He will be miserable without me. But it is his choice. His pride and selfishness trap him in his own little world.
Why would I give up on our amazing God? God has changed David's heart and we are happy once again.
I almost gave up.
I almost decided to throw it all away in my unhappiness.
But God was merciful to me and restored what was broken.
Don't give up on God.

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