In pondering things over the past week, several trains of thought have taken root in my mind.
1) God didn't close His eyes when making Isabella. If He made her with trisomy 13 or 18, He made her that way for a perfect reason. Selfishly, I would like to have her for a long time. But I understand that He has eternal purposes to accomplish. He can take her to heaven in the eternal perspective to accomplish thisngs on earth that I can not fathom. If he give us a witness that touches someone's heart, He may have a plan to save many babies. He may have a plan of eternal salvation for someone. How could I say that I wouldn't want Him to accomplish those things. I can't. He is good. That I know. I love Him. I know that, too. He loves me. I am sure. He loves her. I am sure. I can never loose her. I just may not get to keep her here.
If she is a testimony to the value of every little life He creates, no matter how brief, if that is His plan, I value that also. She is a beautiful baby. Precious in His sight and mine. I love her so much.
2) He may still have a plan to allow me to keep her. I don't know. I won't know before she is here, probably, since I elected not to have an amnio.
She beat the 95% chance that I would miscarry in the first trimester because of my age.
She beat the greater than 90% chance that her huge cystic hygroma would be fatal.
There is up to a 50% chance that she has a fatal chromosomal abnormality. Those are the best odds she has had.
3) God is not bound by any statistics.
I am determined to have Joy. Nothing can take the Lord from us and He is our joy. Even if I cry.
I trust Him. He is worthy of praise always. That sounds so lame because it is such an understatement of what our Precious Lord is.
He is God. Nothing is beyond Him or out of His hands.At a word the heavens and earth were created. We can not comprehend Him.