I recited that verse tonight. I needed a word from God. He knew my heart was floundering a bit.
The past few days have been hard days. My blood pressure has been up except when I am on my left side. Isabella didn't move much Saturday or Sunday. Enough to keep up a kick count, but not enough to relieve any anxiety about her.
Sometimes I lose hope that I will hold her here. And I want her for a lifetime. Sometimes I get discouraged that I may not have her for a lifetime. God already knows His plans. I know I should pray, but I am too discouraged to pray.
I'm sorry I wasn't just throwing myself at your feet. I want this so badly and I don't want You to say no. I know You still love me if You say no... This is hard to put in words.
I am pleading with You for Your blessing. I am pleading for this child. I am pleading for a healthy child.
I am tired, Lord. I need to cast my burdens on You and let You carry me.
I come to You now.
I will praise You no matter what, but You know what I want with all my heart.
Thank You that you have plans to proper me and not to harm me. Thank you that You have plans for hope and for a future.
Help me to see the ways You want to use me and be faithful to pursue those to Your glory.
Thank you for being there.
In Jesus Name and through His blood,