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Thursday, May 13, 2010

He loves me

When Rachel was about 18 months old, she became very ill. For a couple of weeks she was in the hospital running temps of over 105 even dosing either Tylenol or Motrin every 2 hours, and using tepid baths at 105 in between.
At the end of 2 weeks, her blood work looked odd and her lymph nodes were enlarged. We were sent to University Medical Center in Jackson for about 2 weeks. We spent Easter there. They ran almost no tests for about a week and a half, other than a nasal swab for an adeno virus. When she quit nursing or playing at all and was just lying in the bed, I was standing on my head trying to get someone's attention. They did a CAT of her sinuses(where did that come from, is all I can say). At the end of that week, her temps were down to 102 and they let us go home, saying that although she did not test positive for adeno virus, that must be it and she would recover.
About a week later, her belly looked like she was starving in Africa; it was huge. Her temps were over 101. I called my pediatrician again and he had us come in for some blood work. He and Dr. Massengill consulted together and came in to tell me that it looked like she had leukemia. They were sending her to Birmingham the next day.
I cried all night. Heartbroken and angry. Angry at God.
Over the next couple of days, I asked Him how He could love us and let this happen?
How could He give her to me and take her away?
His answer was almost audible to my heart......
"I gave my only Son so that you could be together for an eternity. You can never lose her. How can you question my love?"
He told me that when my heart was breaking, His was too. I was His child.

I understood what He was saying.
I haven't questioned His love since. I know that whatever befalls, He loves us without question. He made the ultimate sacrifice of His only Son.

Over the next week, they ran tests for all sorts of infections: cat scratch fever, psitacosis, toxiplasmosis, Ebstein Barr, CMV and others.
They tested for autoimmune disorders such as Juvenile Rhuematoid Arthritis, Lupus, etc.
They did CAT scans of her huge liver and spleen for neoplams. They did a bone marrow for Leukemia.
She was diagnosed with CMV and Mono(Ebstein Barr). She had an unusual reaction to two ordinary illnesses.
She would live and be fine.
I love her so much. What a great kid. I am so grateful He let me keep her here.

But through the whole ordeal, He blessed me with the certainty of His love. I have been grateful for the lesson more than once.

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