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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Baby Isabella

Dear Lord,

I just found out again that I may not get to keep her. I know you love her more than I do. If she goes to your arms before she comes to mine, I know I will meet her in heaven.
I want her so much. It is hard to process my thoughts.
My heart is broken.
I know Your eyes were not closed when You formed her lovingly in my womb. I am not sure of Your plan for us. I know I trust YOu with that.
My internet friend, Ellie's mom, is making a concious effort to enjoy her days with Ellie. I have enjoyed every little kick and roll, every ultrasound, every precious sign of her precious little life.
Life has been so busy for me. Working full time, Dad's wedding, Hugh's funeral, taking care of the house and kids, planning Sarah's wedding, doctor's appointments, all keeping me exhausted. I am going to make a conscious effort to be conscious of everything I am doing with Isabella. I am going to treasure my time with her. I am going to live in the moment and not wait for the future because today is all I have for sure and I don't want to regret how I spent today.
I hear You speaking to me, Lord, help me to hear.

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