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Sunday, April 11, 2010

It's been a long time since I have posted.
A lot has been going on.
I started back to work full time in December and found out I was pregnant.

It has been a strange road to travel.

For weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I waited to miscarry because of my advanced age. Holding my breath and afraid to hope, unwilling to let this baby into my heart because I didn't want to deal with the loss.
At around 11 or 12 weeks, I decided maybe I should make an appt. Maybe I really was going to have a baby.
There (I know who now) she was on an ultrasound. Heart beating away normally.
A scan was sceduled with a maternal fetal specialist to see that all was normal with the baby.
I was still holding my breath, despite being told that the chances of anything going wrong at this point were slim, around 1 to 2%.
At that scan, I found out that Isabella Grace had a large cystic hygroma which is, in simplified form, an immature lymphatic system that has not fully connected with the circulatory system to empty.
She was in grave danger of going into hydrops, a collection of fluid that leads to congestive heart failure.
They couldn't see her heart and face, so we couldn't rule out cleft palate and heart defects. She had an echogenic bowel, which is another soft marker for chromosomal defects.
Of course, I was offered a termination of pregnancy.
Until now, I didn't realize how many pregnancies were terminated due to a poor prenatal diagnosis.
It appears that at any defect detected on a sonogram around 99% of mothers terminate.

That still breaks my heart.

Sarah and Rachel argued over the baby's name for a while. Rachel was pulling for Audrey Isabella(noble strength and God's promise) and Sarah liked Mary Grace.
They compromised with Isabella Grace.

The last scan showed all organs and extremities normal, with no sign of echogenic bowel. Dr. Tucker's pronosis went from almost no hope, to cautiously optimistic.
The hygroma was smaller or the same.

Isabella is very active most days. The days she isn't she scares me. I love all her wiggles and kicks.
I imagine holding her all the time. I talk to her all the time and tell her how much I love her.

I can't imagine not holding her at this point. Only one more week (well and a little half) until she is considered viable outside of the womb.

I have never counted weeks 0r agonized over when a baby might be viable before. With my others, I never even considered that they might not make it to term normally.

Nonetheless, God has a plan.

I have seen how praying for Isabella has the potential for developing the faith of others. She is already a miracle.
She is to GOd's glory.

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