How Do I Fret?

O.K., I have to link you all up with Warrior Wives today, also. This is a timely word for something that we are almost all guilty of...

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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

How Do I Fret?

I know a lot of Warrior Wives.  So, I asked one of them - my friend Jen - to share about what has been on her heart for wives. Enjoy!

How do I Fret? Let me count the ways…

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. 

Proverbs 21:19

This is one of those verses that makes me wince.  God would rather have my husband be incredibly dehydrated and hot than be with an argumentative, fretful woman.  And not just any woman. Me. His woman.

I can picture my husband now, tongue hanging out past his chin as he drags himself over the bones of other dead husbands, muttering joyfully, “Thanks Jesus, thanks for putting me here in this parched and scorching land, far, far away from my fretful wife.”

And Jesus is like, “I’m there for you, bro…”

Okay, that was maybe too silly, but God is saying a desert is preferable to a quarrelsome, fretting wife.

And quarrelsome I understand.  But fretting…what’s the big deal with a fretful wife? What is a fretful wife?

I think a fretful wife is one that is never really trusting in her husband.  She’s always the back-handed complimenting type. Like, “Oh, it’s great you’re spending time with other men talking about the Bible.  I wish you would spend time with the kids like that…”  Or another one would be, “Thanks so much for helping me with the dishes and putting the kids to bed, of course, now I don’t know where anything in the kitchen is and you just let the kids sleep in their day clothes…” Fret, fret, fret. Wives are saying, “That’s not how I would do it.  You are almost helpful to me.”

A fretful wife isn’t showing respect for her husband.  She’s slowly wearing him down.  You don’t respect what you wear down.

When I think about a fretful wife, I feel bad.  I wear that title a lot.  Fretting fits me comfy like that old pair of granny underwear you put on when your husband’s on a business trip and won’t be skyping with you.

I am easily tempted to think of the bad things my husband does.  Sometimes, I want to focus on his down side. If I am always fretting, how will this verse in Proverbs 31 ever happen, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain?”

How can my husband trust in me, if I am always worrying over his decisions?  The examples I have given are relatively small, but they can be larger.  Maybe you fret over a job choice or a financial decision.  It is easy to always be second guessing him.  Not to imply that you should have no say in the decision making process, but once the decision is made, you support it, and that means no fretting!

Fretting keeps us from being united with our husbands. And at the same time we fret, we also want total openness and intimacy.  Who doesn’t swoon over the words, “The heart of her husband trusts in her…?” It’s like saying, “You complete me…”

How can your husband trust in someone who doesn’t trust in him? If you are always running behind your man, wringing your hands, rolling your eyes and essentially saying, “That’s not how I would do it…that’s not how I would do it…” You are never going to have trust.  You will be left eating stale popcorn on the couch, watching Jerry McGuire and wondering, “Why can’t I have that kind of relationship?”

When we fret, we are ultimately not trusting in the sovereignty of God. We are saying, “Sure this knucklehead husband of mine almost gets it, but if I were in control, I would have handled it so much better.” Of course you would not have. Because the only perfect handler of our short lives is Jesus. And when you are tempted to put on your old granny “Fretful and lovin’ it” drawers, just remember God loves you and is with you. He doesn’t want you to fret. He wants you to encourage. Be thankful. God is in control and he will use the misplaced dishes to help you. God will use the children going to bed in their play clothes to bless you. Jesus loves you and your husband and as long as your eyes are on Him, you will not be fretting.

Just one more thought. What If Jesus treated you like you treat your husband? What if Jesus was a fretter like I am?  What if he said to me, “Hey great job with the kids today.  Way to listen to the radio when the whole family was in the car. It’s too bad you didn’t use that time to talk about me.”  I would feel doomed! If Jesus was a fretter, I would start looking for a desert!  Because who could please God if He really fretted over you the way you fret over your husband?

Jennifer Fitzpatrick is happily married to her husband Kevin. She has three children. The whole family enjoys their lives in the Shenandoah Valley, surrounded by cows, stared at by the neighbors, and loved at their church.

Sharing with: Wifey Wednesday, Deep Roots at Home, We Are THAT Family, NOBH, Women Living Well, Thriving Thursdays, Rediscovering Domesticity, Thought Provoking Thursday, Thoughtful Thursday, Hearts for Home Thursday, Beautiful Thursday,

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Posted by Elizabeth Spence at 12:00 AM 4 Comments

21 Days to a More Disciplined Life!

I am linking you to a blog called Money Saving Mom today. She has a great post about how to develop the habits you want to build in your life.

21 Days to a More Disciplined Life: Implement One Habit at a Time

I have been working on diet and exercise for the past 2 months, and I have those conquered. I have lost 21 pounds and have a habit of regular exercise that I miss when I have to give it up for a day! Yay me! It's way overdue. I was on my way to fitness when I got pregnant with Isabella. I didn't gain with my pregnancy; I gained after it, sitting around nursing and eating to make sure I had a supply. I ate my way to 40 more pounds. I already needed to lose a lot, even though I had lost 20 pounds before I got pregnant. So this was a big priority for me.

It;s only fair to admit that my house is a wreck since I have been exercising daily! But the dirt will still be there for me to clean up when I can add that back to my list of great habits! Maybe when Isabella is older!

I have been doing regular bible study for the past 2 or 3 months, also, but I have yet to conquer a DAILY quiet time. When things are busy, I have catch up days. A DAILY quiet time  and prayer time are next on my list. I may have to do them before I go to bed, but it's going to be daily. My goal will be first thing in the morning.
Join me in developing the habits you want! We CAN have the lives we want to lead!

Here's the link!


http://moneysavingmom.com/2011/11/21-days-to-a-more-disciplined-life-implement-one-habit-at-a-time.html

Sorry I can't get the link to work. Just copy and paste!

The BIggest Rocks First!

The Biggest Rocks
This is a list of the most important tasks I want to accomplish in my life.
1. Have a close, vibrant relationship with God by having a regular quiet time and time in the Word every day.
2. Have a prayer life that is on fire! Keep a prayer journal.
3. Be the witness of all that He has done for me. Blog regularly.
4. Have the marriage God calls me to have.
5. Find and accomplish all the He has for me to do. This includes reaching out to the poor and lost in tangible ways. This includes sharing my story.
6. Have family devotional times at meal time.
7. Memorize scripture at meal times. To do this we need nightly meals around the table.
8. Have monthly parties to bring others into my home. (To do this, we need a regular routine for keeping the house clean and the laundry done.

9. Continue to exercise and diet to regain my fitness.
10. Lead my children to have an impact for the Lord.

The Unveiled Wife made a list of tasks to accomplish in her marriage. I am going to copy her list for you. It's great!

10 Commitments To A Better Marriage – The Marriage To-Do-List

1.   Love Intentionally
2.   Pray For My Spouse
3.   Be Content
4.   Bless My Spouse
5.   Read Scripture Together
6.   Respect My Spouse
7.   Initiate Intimacy
8.   Be Transparent
9.   Give Thanks
10. Affirm My Spouse

Read more - > http://unveiledwife.com/10-commitments-to-a-better-marriage/

Colossians  2: 6-7  Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,  having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.

 

We received our Precious Lord Jesus Christ.

Oh how I pray that we all would walk in Him

firmly rooted

being built up in Him

established in our faith

overflowing with gratitude!

Colossians  1:28-29  We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.  For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.

I keep coming back to this verse!

It just makes me cry...

Grateful to proclaim Him!

With a goal to admonish and teach every man with all wisdom

Grateful that His power works mightily within me!

Colossians 2:8-10 See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. ⁹ For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, ¹⁰ and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority;

How many times do we let worldly philosophy guide us? 

I catch myself when reading the blogs of sister's in Christ realizing that my actions and thoughts are worldly and need to be changed. 

I am grateful for their transparent sharing of their faults and troubles, for it helps me to see mine the way God would have me to.

The world says... Don't let anyone run over you! Stand up for your rights!

The scriptures have this to say about it..

Philippians 2:1-8

2 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, ² make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. ³ Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; ⁴ do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. ⁵ Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. ⁸ Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

 

The scriptures also say to speak the truth in love.

If you have issues with someone in your life, communicate the truth in love, yet put them first, in love...

God works in ways that we can't see or imagine. Pray. Trust Him. Seek Godly counsel. The help is out there. But don't turn to the world's ways. They won't take you where you want to go. Only God can help you be who He wants you to be, where He wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do. 

And in the end, I think it is more about who you are, wherever you are, whatever you are doing. When we are allowing Him to breathe through us to others, letting His lights shine through us, reflecting Him because we have been in His presence, then we can accomplish what He has for us to accomplish.

Don't turn to philosophy to guide you, turn to Christ. Put Him first! In Him we are complete!

It's all Christ! 

⁹ For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, ¹⁰ and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority;

 

 In Him we are complete. All the treasure of wisdom and knowledge are there, available to us if we choose. So often, and I catch myself at this all the time, I know what He wants me to do and it is a battle of His will and mine. I have to choose to do His will. WE WANT TO BE IN CONTROL! IS THAT BECAUSE WE THINK WE KNOW BETTER???????

SILLY HUMANS!!!!!!

It's called obedience. He is the head of me. 

He is the head over all rule and authority. If there is an authority in your life that needs to change, He is head over them. Pray first! 

Colossians 2:11-12

  ¹¹ and in Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ; ¹² having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.

 

He has done what we could not do ourselves. He has removed our bodies of flesh by the circumcision of Christ, buried us with Him in baptism, and raised us up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Christ from the dead. Because of this, we are capable of being obedient to Him in our actions. We are capable of actions that glorify Him and are pleasing to Him.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Revive Your Marriage - Revive Your S*x Life

 womenlivingwell.org

 tolovehonorandvacuum.com 

unveiledwife.com  

 TimeWarpWife.com

 O.K., I feel really inadequate to post on this, even after 30 years of marriage. These girls, listed above, have covered the topic really well. And to be honest, all I feel is convicted right now. I have my two year old co-sleeping with us. There's not much going on.......Obviously, I need to do some work.

I will say this, I believe God created s*x as a gift for us. These girls recommend some really good books and if your s*x life is not what you want, do go and get one. I did several years ago, and I think that is how I ended up with Isabella! LOL!

• The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

29 Days to Great Sex

 

I believe in a great s*x life!

It's important, and if you don't see a way to revitalize yours, talk with a counselor. 

 

 

Revive Your Marriage- Week 4

 He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

He holds it all together. Everything!

My life, yours, our world, our universe.

Whether we acknowledge Him as Sovereign Lord of all creation or not, He is that!

In Colossians, He says that we are strengthened with all power according to His glorious might to steadfastly walk in a manner worthy of Him with all patience, joyously giving thanks!

That means we have His power to accomplish His will!

That is some power, girls!

We have no excuse!

We started week one with praying for our husbands, then we addressed our attitudes, and last week we worked on friendship. This week, we will address showing our husbands appreciation.

Do you ever feel unappreciated? It makes us grumpy and hard to live with sometimes if we feel that no one appreciates our efforts. I often have to take that to God and remember that I am living for Him and not the rest of the world. (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, Colossians 3:23)

We don't want our husbands to feel grumpy and unappreciated. That makes them hard to live with. Not only that......

We are admonished in scripture to respect our husbands! If we are failing to show our husbands appreciation, we are failing to show them our respect. Part of respect is admiration and appreciation for the qualities and actions of that person.

I know, some of you feel that your husbands don't deserve your admiration and respect, but it is really a function of your obedience to God. Thank goodness God doesn't always give me what I deserve.

We have God's power to accomplish this task. It is simply a choice between our will or His for our lives.

We want His will. 

 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55: 8-9 

His ways are higher than ours and take us where we want to go!

Take the challenge this week and think of some creative ways to show your husband that you appreciate him.

                                                                              

Don't forget to visit the blogs below for their encouragement and insight into your efforts to  have the marriage God wants for you.
OK! I edited this to say you have GOT to read the posts below! I just finished to Love, Honor, and Vacuum and her post is SOOOO insightful!

Rescued, Redeemed, Forgiven

Colossians 1
¹³ For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of  His beloved Son, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He has brought me out of the darkness and into His light.
He has rescued me.
He has redeemed me.
He has forgiven me.

Thank You, Lord!