Father,

I am so grateful. I am humbled and grateful that You always see me through the blood of Your Precious Son. Those words don't really encompass how I feel about that.
It's Your Grace.
Unmerited favor.
Love beyond measure, totally underserved.
Given.
No way to earn it. But no need, thank goodness.
You're always there... Trying to help me see... Trying to help me grasp...Leading me...Loving me... Guiding me...
I want to share You with a dying world and help them see the God I see.
I want them to know the God I know.
They don't know how much You love them.
Lord, help me to become a purer vessel for You, help me to forsake the sins that beset me and get in the way of Your desire to live through me.
I want so badly to be a vessel for You. It's pretty obvious how far I fall short.
Thank You for You unlimited patience, love and forgiveness.
Thank You for Your unlimited ability to do above and beyond all that I ask or can envision.
Forgive me for all the ways I fail You.
Thank You for that forgiveness.

Please let me work this week to keep some of my income until Isabella is here. Thank You for allowing me to work until now. Forgive me for the times I have complained about doing too much. I am grateful for how You have provided.

Help me to be the wife, mother, and friend that You have created me to be.

Help me to remember Your unlimited power and love as I go through my day.
Keep me in constant prayer. Help me be with You as I go through my day. If I worked harder at walking with You instead of my misguided attempts to live for You(As much as I would like to think it does, it does Not come naturally! Unless You are constantly living through me, I am walking in my own power... No wonder I am not seeing the results I would like to see.)
I love You and am so grateful to be Yours.

In Jesus Precious Name and By the Power of His Precious Blood,
Cheryl

Jeremiah 29:11
I recited that verse tonight. I needed a word from God. He knew my heart was floundering a bit.
The past few days have been hard days. My blood pressure has been up except when I am on my left side. Isabella didn't move much Saturday or Sunday. Enough to keep up a kick count, but not enough to relieve any anxiety about her.
Sometimes I lose hope that I will hold her here. And I want her for a lifetime. Sometimes I get discouraged that I may not have her for a lifetime. God already knows His plans. I know I should pray, but I am too discouraged to pray.
Heavenly Father,
I'm sorry I wasn't just throwing myself at your feet. I want this so badly and I don't want You to say no. I know You still love me if You say no... This is hard to put in words.
I am pleading with You for Your blessing. I am pleading for this child. I am pleading for a healthy child.
I am tired, Lord. I need to cast my burdens on You and let You carry me.
I come to You now.
I will praise You no matter what, but You know what I want with all my heart.
Thank You that you have plans to proper me and not to harm me. Thank you that You have plans for hope and for a future.
Help me to see the ways You want to use me and be faithful to pursue those to Your glory.
Thank you for being there.
In Jesus Name and through His blood,
Cheryl

Mom

Today I miss mom again. Sometimes it takes me by surprise... Out of the blue, I think of her and start sobbing. I guess you never really quit missing a mom.............

Lord,
Thank you today for answered prayer.
Thank you that Ellie Grace was better. My heart needed that.
Thank you that Isabella's kidney is still functioning.
Thank you for these precious babies.
I can't wait to meet her. Keep her safe, Lord. Bring her safely into this world for me to meet.
Lord, help me to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend that you created me to be.
Help me to see with my eternal eyes and thank you for always being there, holding me up, guiding and protecting me.
Love,
Cheryl

Wednesday May 26th

Isabella,

Today you and me and Rachel swam in the pool. You like the pool. You like the lack of gravity. I wonder if it feels cool to you through my belly.
We watched Jacki Chan in The Spy Next Door and made Chicken Alfredo. It was a nice day.
Then We watched August Rush and you kicked on the couch. I wouldn't take anything for your kicks. I am so blessed to carry you.
I love you.
Tomorrow I find out if everything is going OK or not. I may find out more about whether or not I am going to have a lot more time with you or not.
No matter what, you are precious to me.
I love you.
Mama

Heavenly Father,

I am so grateful that You spoke and the universe came into being.
I am so grateful that You love us so deeply.
Reminded of Your power and Your love, I quietly come in praise and adoration for all that You are and ask Your divine touch on Isabella and Ellie.
Thank you for gracing us with daughters.
I know You are able. I pray with all my heart that it is Your plan that they be with us for a long time.
This is so hard.
I know you are teaching me to see with my eternal eyes. Something I thought I was pretty good at until now.
"Keep your eyes on the things above and not on the things of this earth, for you have died and your life is hidden with God in Christ Jesus."
Thank you so much for the reduction of fluid in Ellie yesterday. My heart needed that. I needed to know Your heart. I needed a hint that she could survive. Thank you so much. I am pleading.
Love,
Cheryl