“But the eyes of the LORD are…on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” ~ Psalm 33:18

“I have hope… Because of the LORD’s great love…his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him…” ~ Lamentations 3: 21-25


“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” – Hebrews 11:1

“…And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:1-5

“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39: 7

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

1 Peter 4:10

Isaiah 40:28-31

God gives. God takes. God’s name ever be blessed. ~Job 1:21

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy... ~Psalm 30:11

Do not mourn like those that have no hope. ~1 Thes. 4:13

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:34

Cast all your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you. ~Psalms 55:22

Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~Matthew 11:28

…though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith…may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. ~1 Peter 1: 6-9

Be still and know that am I God. ~Psalm 46:10

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5,6

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” ~2 Cor. 12:9

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~Ephesians 3:20

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ~1 Cor. 1:27

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” ~Philippians 4:11-13

Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
And it is good for people to submit at an early age
to the yoke of his discipline:

Let them sit alone in silence
beneath the Lord’s demands.
Let them lie face down in the dust,
for there may be hope at last.
Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them
and accept the insults of their enemies.

For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow.

~Lamentations 3:21-33

Isabella,

Sweet baby, I lay on the couch for an hour this morning. I lay there with you and savored every kick and squirm. You are so cooperative!
Big kicks, little kicks, squirms....at a steady pace... I delight in every little move you make.
If this is the only time we get, I want to savor it. I want to remember it. I want to treasure it so completely that I don't feel like I never really got to be with you, baby.
I love you so much.
Thank you for being your sweet precious little self.
My friend, Katie had a girls day the other day. She has inspired and helped me to enjoy you.
I never enjoyed being pregnant with a baby more. Isn't it special?
You are so special to me. My heart is full to overflowing with the joy of being your mother. I love it. I feel so blessed.
And I am grateful to God for the privelege. I am grateful once again that He has brought me to a place where I can...
Praise Him for you no matter how much time we get together.

It's good I feel this way today.

Thursday, we may get bad news and we may not. I know if I do, I will be overwhelmed with it. Remind me of today then.

I love you so much.

Mamma

My sweet newlyweds are home safely! They had a great time!
I am grateful to family and friends that provided for a great honeymoon! I am grateful to God for keeping them safe and providing the lovely time they had!

I am grateful that for the past couple of days, Isabella has been lively and kept me smiling with kicks and squirms. These are so precious to me. I love you Isabella Grace!

Habakkuk 3:19: The Lord is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.

"Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10)

"In Him, and through Him, I live, and breath, and have my being and only in Him do I find my rest"

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

1 Chronicles 16:34: "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; His love endures forever."

Psalm 47:6 "Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises."
Acts 17:28 "... in Him we live and move and have our being."

Hebrews 4:16 "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Psalm 139 v 13-16: "For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

''Behind my life the Weaver stands and works His wondrous will - I leave it in His all wise hands and trust His perfect skill.''

Isaiah 41:10: ''Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.'' -

Psalm 103:1. “Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name.” Psalm 103:1-2

Psalm 6:9: "The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer"

"Be still and know that I am God..." (Ps 46:10) Ps 43:4 "I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise Him, my Saviour and my God." We give thanks to God for He is good; His mercy endures forever!"

I have been a little lost the past few days. Full of grief and lost my focus.
God is always so good to help me find it again. I love Him.

Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done (1 Chronicles 16:8).
Let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found (Psalm 32:6).
Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near (Isaiah 55:6).
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened (Matt. 7:7-8).
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12).
Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints (Ephesians 6:18).
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6).
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful (Colossians 4:2).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone (1 Timothy 2:1).
I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing (1 Tim. 2:8).
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray (James 5:13).
Build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit (Jude 20).


It is clear that our Father wants his children to pray to him, a commitment which his Son modeled throughout his life and ministry: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (Mark 1:35). Before choosing his 12 apostles, "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God" (Luke 6:12). Another time, "Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him" (Lk. 9:18).



After feeding the 5,000, Jesus "went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone" (Matthew 14:23). Later "he took Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray" (Lk. 9:28). The night of his arrest, " Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, 'Sit here while I go over there and pray'" (Matt. 26:36).



Luke tells us that "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed" (Lk. 5:16). The writer of Hebrews adds that "during the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission" (Hebrews 5:7). Now Jesus "is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them" (Heb. 7:25).

I reread the words to My Shepherd Will Supply My Need a minute ago. I know that He will. I can do what I have to . I will praise Him. He is always worthy of praise. At all times. I want to be faithful to praise Him always. I want to be faithful to have joy in the midst of my grief.

1. My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy's sake,
In paths of truth and grace.

2. When I walk through the shades of death,
Thy presence is my stay;
A word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

3. The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise!
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

My oldest, Sarah, got married Saturday. It was a beautiful day filled with beautiful memories.
She is only 20, but when she met Bryan, it wasn't long before she knew he was the one. He is an amazing man.
He loves the Lord deeply. He loves Sarah deeply.
She was as calm as anyone could have been for her big day.
She and Brian waited to have their first kiss at their ceremony.
He cried as she walked down the aisle. They both had a wonderful time. They are so excited to start on their lives together and commited to serving the Lord.

I have prayed my children's entire lives for the right mates. I have had them praying for a long time for their future mates.
I was so grateful to God for answering that prayer in such a powerful and unmistakeable way. I know that we are blessed and I know Who blessed us.

The day could not have been more joyful or perfect.



Coincidence or not, Rachel sings to Isabella at home, and when Rachel sang "My Shepherd Will Supply My Need" during the ceremony, Isabella started kicking vigorously and kicked the entire time she sang. She didn't do that again the entire day. I was happy to be so concious of her presence there with me. My heart was full of all of my girls.

It is amazing that God sent such an amazing blessing in the midst of heartache. It is amazing how my heart can be full of joy at the same time that my heart is so heavy with heartache over Isabella.

I have been researching ultrasound pictures of trisomy 18 and 13 babies. I just couldn't quite bring myself to believe that she really might have those fatal trisomies, and yet I knew that Dr. Tucker wouldn't exaggerate the probablity to me. I found enough information to support his statements.

I know that because she had a large cystic hygroma, has a polycystic kidney. has a short femur, has swollen looking feet and has growth in the 25% percentile, those are very real possibilities. I found that some babies with trisomy 13 or 18 look normal on ultrasound. It is so hard to admit to myself that it is a real possibility. I wanted to tell myself that since no cardiac abnormalities had shown up, since her fists weren't clenched, and she doesn't have microcephaly that those were not what I was looking at.

I know God didn't close His eyes when He formed her.

Pray that I will be faithful to praise Him for His plan.

I know you understand when I say that that particular plan breaks my heart. It is really hard to get to joy in the midst of my grief.



I love God and I trust Him and I don't want that plan.



I don't want to pray for the best and plan for the worst. If I plan for the worst it is so real for me that I can't stand it. No one else really considers the worst for us. I can tell they don't go there.



How do I do this?



I am really having a hard time. Tonight, I just can't stop crying.


I know My God loves me and her. I do trust Him even when my heart is breaking. I will praise Him no matter what happens. I know Who He Is.



But my heart is broken tonight. I am grieving. If anyone has any words of wisdom to throw my way, I am open.