Precious Heavenly Father,
I have to say thank you again today. You have blessed us so immeasurably.
Today, my oldest gets married. My heart is full to overflowing with joy. Joy because I am sure the man she is marrying is a man of God, who will love her as she deserves to be loved and lead her in a life that honors and glorifies You. You pray their entire lives for this kind of blessing. So all I can say is thank you, Father. I know Who accomplishes good in my life and hers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
If I had time this morning, I would say much more. Thank you that no matter what befalls in our lives, You fill us with Your Presence and I KNOW that I am BLESSED.
I love you,
Cheryl
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Answered prayer
I haven't listed one of my biggest blessings: my future son in law, will be son in law on Saturday!
I have prayed for my children to find a spouse that loves the Lord for their entire lives. My prayers are sometimes audible and sometimes take the form of trusting God because He knows my hearts desire. He knows that I want, above all, I want my children to live their lives to His glory, to honor and glorify Him because He is worthy or honor and praise. Because He alone is the source of all Good and All Good Things.
Bryan loves the Lord and he loves Sarah. I adore him and am thrilled to add him to our family. I praise God for bringing them together and answering one of the greatest desires of my heart.
Dad always says the two most important decisions a person can make are accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord and marrying the right person.
Sarah has now accomplished both.
Life has bumps.
Life is unpredictable and nothing is certain.
But the two most basic things you need for a happy marriage are to love the Lord and love each other.
As a bonus, Bryan is responsible and has impecable character.His heart is to serve the Lord.
I am overjoyed to turn Sarah over to him!
I am delighted that she will be his responsibility!
I will always be here for them, of course, but what a big rock to put in my stack!
Thank you, Lord for answered prayer. You are truly amazing. If I forgot to thank you before now, let me say:
I praise You for all You do. I praise You for accomplishing this. I thank You for Bryan.
I have prayed for my children to find a spouse that loves the Lord for their entire lives. My prayers are sometimes audible and sometimes take the form of trusting God because He knows my hearts desire. He knows that I want, above all, I want my children to live their lives to His glory, to honor and glorify Him because He is worthy or honor and praise. Because He alone is the source of all Good and All Good Things.
Bryan loves the Lord and he loves Sarah. I adore him and am thrilled to add him to our family. I praise God for bringing them together and answering one of the greatest desires of my heart.
Dad always says the two most important decisions a person can make are accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord and marrying the right person.
Sarah has now accomplished both.
Life has bumps.
Life is unpredictable and nothing is certain.
But the two most basic things you need for a happy marriage are to love the Lord and love each other.
As a bonus, Bryan is responsible and has impecable character.His heart is to serve the Lord.
I am overjoyed to turn Sarah over to him!
I am delighted that she will be his responsibility!
I will always be here for them, of course, but what a big rock to put in my stack!
Thank you, Lord for answered prayer. You are truly amazing. If I forgot to thank you before now, let me say:
I praise You for all You do. I praise You for accomplishing this. I thank You for Bryan.
He loves me
When Rachel was about 18 months old, she became very ill. For a couple of weeks she was in the hospital running temps of over 105 even dosing either Tylenol or Motrin every 2 hours, and using tepid baths at 105 in between.
At the end of 2 weeks, her blood work looked odd and her lymph nodes were enlarged. We were sent to University Medical Center in Jackson for about 2 weeks. We spent Easter there. They ran almost no tests for about a week and a half, other than a nasal swab for an adeno virus. When she quit nursing or playing at all and was just lying in the bed, I was standing on my head trying to get someone's attention. They did a CAT of her sinuses(where did that come from, is all I can say). At the end of that week, her temps were down to 102 and they let us go home, saying that although she did not test positive for adeno virus, that must be it and she would recover.
About a week later, her belly looked like she was starving in Africa; it was huge. Her temps were over 101. I called my pediatrician again and he had us come in for some blood work. He and Dr. Massengill consulted together and came in to tell me that it looked like she had leukemia. They were sending her to Birmingham the next day.
I cried all night. Heartbroken and angry. Angry at God.
Over the next couple of days, I asked Him how He could love us and let this happen?
How could He give her to me and take her away?
His answer was almost audible to my heart......
"I gave my only Son so that you could be together for an eternity. You can never lose her. How can you question my love?"
He told me that when my heart was breaking, His was too. I was His child.
I understood what He was saying.
I haven't questioned His love since. I know that whatever befalls, He loves us without question. He made the ultimate sacrifice of His only Son.
Over the next week, they ran tests for all sorts of infections: cat scratch fever, psitacosis, toxiplasmosis, Ebstein Barr, CMV and others.
They tested for autoimmune disorders such as Juvenile Rhuematoid Arthritis, Lupus, etc.
They did CAT scans of her huge liver and spleen for neoplams. They did a bone marrow for Leukemia.
She was diagnosed with CMV and Mono(Ebstein Barr). She had an unusual reaction to two ordinary illnesses.
She would live and be fine.
I love her so much. What a great kid. I am so grateful He let me keep her here.
But through the whole ordeal, He blessed me with the certainty of His love. I have been grateful for the lesson more than once.
At the end of 2 weeks, her blood work looked odd and her lymph nodes were enlarged. We were sent to University Medical Center in Jackson for about 2 weeks. We spent Easter there. They ran almost no tests for about a week and a half, other than a nasal swab for an adeno virus. When she quit nursing or playing at all and was just lying in the bed, I was standing on my head trying to get someone's attention. They did a CAT of her sinuses(where did that come from, is all I can say). At the end of that week, her temps were down to 102 and they let us go home, saying that although she did not test positive for adeno virus, that must be it and she would recover.
About a week later, her belly looked like she was starving in Africa; it was huge. Her temps were over 101. I called my pediatrician again and he had us come in for some blood work. He and Dr. Massengill consulted together and came in to tell me that it looked like she had leukemia. They were sending her to Birmingham the next day.
I cried all night. Heartbroken and angry. Angry at God.
Over the next couple of days, I asked Him how He could love us and let this happen?
How could He give her to me and take her away?
His answer was almost audible to my heart......
"I gave my only Son so that you could be together for an eternity. You can never lose her. How can you question my love?"
He told me that when my heart was breaking, His was too. I was His child.
I understood what He was saying.
I haven't questioned His love since. I know that whatever befalls, He loves us without question. He made the ultimate sacrifice of His only Son.
Over the next week, they ran tests for all sorts of infections: cat scratch fever, psitacosis, toxiplasmosis, Ebstein Barr, CMV and others.
They tested for autoimmune disorders such as Juvenile Rhuematoid Arthritis, Lupus, etc.
They did CAT scans of her huge liver and spleen for neoplams. They did a bone marrow for Leukemia.
She was diagnosed with CMV and Mono(Ebstein Barr). She had an unusual reaction to two ordinary illnesses.
She would live and be fine.
I love her so much. What a great kid. I am so grateful He let me keep her here.
But through the whole ordeal, He blessed me with the certainty of His love. I have been grateful for the lesson more than once.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
"I love the Lord, because He hears
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live."
— Psalm 116.1,2
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Our word from the Lord today is Isaiah 43:1-3 “Now this is what the Lord says—the One who created you, and the One who formed you, Israel. Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name; you are Mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flames will not burn you. For I the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior give Egypt as a ransom for you.
"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth."
— Psalm 145.18
Psalm 23
Jeremiah 30.17 For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.
Matthew 9.22
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 30:26 The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the LORD binds up the fracture of His people and heals the bruise He has inflicted.
Jeremiah 33:6 'Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth.
Psalm 107:20 He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.
2 Cor 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live."
— Psalm 116.1,2
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Our word from the Lord today is Isaiah 43:1-3 “Now this is what the Lord says—the One who created you, and the One who formed you, Israel. Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name; you are Mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flames will not burn you. For I the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior give Egypt as a ransom for you.
"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth."
— Psalm 145.18
Psalm 23
Jeremiah 30.17 For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.
Matthew 9.22
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 30:26 The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the LORD binds up the fracture of His people and heals the bruise He has inflicted.
Jeremiah 33:6 'Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth.
Psalm 107:20 He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.
2 Cor 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
Optimism
In pondering things over the past week, several trains of thought have taken root in my mind.
1) God didn't close His eyes when making Isabella. If He made her with trisomy 13 or 18, He made her that way for a perfect reason. Selfishly, I would like to have her for a long time. But I understand that He has eternal purposes to accomplish. He can take her to heaven in the eternal perspective to accomplish thisngs on earth that I can not fathom. If he give us a witness that touches someone's heart, He may have a plan to save many babies. He may have a plan of eternal salvation for someone. How could I say that I wouldn't want Him to accomplish those things. I can't. He is good. That I know. I love Him. I know that, too. He loves me. I am sure. He loves her. I am sure. I can never loose her. I just may not get to keep her here.
If she is a testimony to the value of every little life He creates, no matter how brief, if that is His plan, I value that also. She is a beautiful baby. Precious in His sight and mine. I love her so much.
2) He may still have a plan to allow me to keep her. I don't know. I won't know before she is here, probably, since I elected not to have an amnio.
She beat the 95% chance that I would miscarry in the first trimester because of my age.
She beat the greater than 90% chance that her huge cystic hygroma would be fatal.
There is up to a 50% chance that she has a fatal chromosomal abnormality. Those are the best odds she has had.
3) God is not bound by any statistics.
I am determined to have Joy. Nothing can take the Lord from us and He is our joy. Even if I cry.
I trust Him. He is worthy of praise always. That sounds so lame because it is such an understatement of what our Precious Lord is.
He is God. Nothing is beyond Him or out of His hands.At a word the heavens and earth were created. We can not comprehend Him.
1) God didn't close His eyes when making Isabella. If He made her with trisomy 13 or 18, He made her that way for a perfect reason. Selfishly, I would like to have her for a long time. But I understand that He has eternal purposes to accomplish. He can take her to heaven in the eternal perspective to accomplish thisngs on earth that I can not fathom. If he give us a witness that touches someone's heart, He may have a plan to save many babies. He may have a plan of eternal salvation for someone. How could I say that I wouldn't want Him to accomplish those things. I can't. He is good. That I know. I love Him. I know that, too. He loves me. I am sure. He loves her. I am sure. I can never loose her. I just may not get to keep her here.
If she is a testimony to the value of every little life He creates, no matter how brief, if that is His plan, I value that also. She is a beautiful baby. Precious in His sight and mine. I love her so much.
2) He may still have a plan to allow me to keep her. I don't know. I won't know before she is here, probably, since I elected not to have an amnio.
She beat the 95% chance that I would miscarry in the first trimester because of my age.
She beat the greater than 90% chance that her huge cystic hygroma would be fatal.
There is up to a 50% chance that she has a fatal chromosomal abnormality. Those are the best odds she has had.
3) God is not bound by any statistics.
I am determined to have Joy. Nothing can take the Lord from us and He is our joy. Even if I cry.
I trust Him. He is worthy of praise always. That sounds so lame because it is such an understatement of what our Precious Lord is.
He is God. Nothing is beyond Him or out of His hands.At a word the heavens and earth were created. We can not comprehend Him.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Healing my broken heart: Blessed
Better today.
I am determined. Determined to be blessed. Determined to count my blessings.
God knows what is happening in my life and has planned it for a perfect reason.
He planned Isabella Grace. He planned her just as she is for His glory. Whatever her defects or imperfections, fatal or not.
She is to His glory and I am determined to count every day with her as a blessing.
Every moment, whether months or years, to count them as blessing. I am choosing Joy.
I am choosing Him.
I read Katie Butts blog. She is counting every moment with Ellie. I wondered how she could do that and not be overwhelmed with grief. I wondered how she could build a nursery that might never hold a baby. It was beyond my ability.
But I prayed the other night that I might choose Joy. I prayed that He would heal my hurting heart and fill it again with Joy. He has. I don't know how. I didn't think it was possible.
But the realization that every moment of this pregnancy is planned by Him helped me to realize that every one should be joyful.
Some of my biggest regrets in life are when I didn't coose joy. It is always a choice. A choice to rest in the arms of our incredible God and let Him carry us through our trials confident that He has our best interest at heart.
Know the plans I have for y0u, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Today is not all we have. It is only a vapor in the eternity of our lives and I am determined to live it as such. To see my trials as so tempory as almost nonexistent.
I am determined to enjoy my baby for the time given me with her and to love her as He loves me and to trust her to my precious God.
Now if I can just give another area of my life to God like that that I have been holding on to, I will be headed in the right direction.
Katie said that God sometimes blesses us in the midst of our worst nightmares. That is just another way of saying what I have always believed: The weight of glory far outweighs the weight of the suffering.
God has always sent my biggest blessings in the midst of trials. Trials that I would have avoided if I could choose. Trials that I might still not choose, could I choose even now. But trials that enriched my life immeasurably, that taught me Who He was. That taught me His love and faithfulness.
It took me by surprise Wednesday when Dr. Tucker said that Isabella's defects could be fatal. I knew the hygroma was a fatal condition. I knew the odds of overcoming that, but I thought when we got past that that we would be free and clear. To find that I was still in the position of waiting for my baby to die was more than I could accept joyfully. He had to help me. I had to know where I was to get where I needed to be. I guess since I was waiting for the hygroma to be over I was sure that when it was over, we could move on and if it wasn't she would be gone because of it.
So welcome Isabella Grace. I love you so much. You have filled my heart now for 6 months. I have waited for you to be mine forever, holding my breath until the obstacles were over.
Now I find that they my not ever be over. I may never hold you as a healthy child, physically whole. I may never get to rest in the peace that comes with a healthy child.
But I hold you now. I love you now. For now that is enough.
None of this took our God by surprise. He holds us both and we will enjoy one another for as long as we have each other here.
Then if it is His will, I will wait to hold you again in heaven. And if it is His will, I will have you here for a long time.
But you need to know how much I love you.
I love your kicks and rolls and wiggles. I love that I poke you and you move. I love to carry you. You have blessed me with your sweet little presence. I love you immeasurably.
Thank you, Precious Lord, for precious Isabella Grace. Hold her carefully. If its Your will, heal her and let me hold her for a long, long time.
I am determined. Determined to be blessed. Determined to count my blessings.
God knows what is happening in my life and has planned it for a perfect reason.
He planned Isabella Grace. He planned her just as she is for His glory. Whatever her defects or imperfections, fatal or not.
She is to His glory and I am determined to count every day with her as a blessing.
Every moment, whether months or years, to count them as blessing. I am choosing Joy.
I am choosing Him.
I read Katie Butts blog. She is counting every moment with Ellie. I wondered how she could do that and not be overwhelmed with grief. I wondered how she could build a nursery that might never hold a baby. It was beyond my ability.
But I prayed the other night that I might choose Joy. I prayed that He would heal my hurting heart and fill it again with Joy. He has. I don't know how. I didn't think it was possible.
But the realization that every moment of this pregnancy is planned by Him helped me to realize that every one should be joyful.
Some of my biggest regrets in life are when I didn't coose joy. It is always a choice. A choice to rest in the arms of our incredible God and let Him carry us through our trials confident that He has our best interest at heart.
Know the plans I have for y0u, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Today is not all we have. It is only a vapor in the eternity of our lives and I am determined to live it as such. To see my trials as so tempory as almost nonexistent.
I am determined to enjoy my baby for the time given me with her and to love her as He loves me and to trust her to my precious God.
Now if I can just give another area of my life to God like that that I have been holding on to, I will be headed in the right direction.
Katie said that God sometimes blesses us in the midst of our worst nightmares. That is just another way of saying what I have always believed: The weight of glory far outweighs the weight of the suffering.
God has always sent my biggest blessings in the midst of trials. Trials that I would have avoided if I could choose. Trials that I might still not choose, could I choose even now. But trials that enriched my life immeasurably, that taught me Who He was. That taught me His love and faithfulness.
It took me by surprise Wednesday when Dr. Tucker said that Isabella's defects could be fatal. I knew the hygroma was a fatal condition. I knew the odds of overcoming that, but I thought when we got past that that we would be free and clear. To find that I was still in the position of waiting for my baby to die was more than I could accept joyfully. He had to help me. I had to know where I was to get where I needed to be. I guess since I was waiting for the hygroma to be over I was sure that when it was over, we could move on and if it wasn't she would be gone because of it.
So welcome Isabella Grace. I love you so much. You have filled my heart now for 6 months. I have waited for you to be mine forever, holding my breath until the obstacles were over.
Now I find that they my not ever be over. I may never hold you as a healthy child, physically whole. I may never get to rest in the peace that comes with a healthy child.
But I hold you now. I love you now. For now that is enough.
None of this took our God by surprise. He holds us both and we will enjoy one another for as long as we have each other here.
Then if it is His will, I will wait to hold you again in heaven. And if it is His will, I will have you here for a long time.
But you need to know how much I love you.
I love your kicks and rolls and wiggles. I love that I poke you and you move. I love to carry you. You have blessed me with your sweet little presence. I love you immeasurably.
Thank you, Precious Lord, for precious Isabella Grace. Hold her carefully. If its Your will, heal her and let me hold her for a long, long time.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Baby Isabella
Dear Lord,
I just found out again that I may not get to keep her. I know you love her more than I do. If she goes to your arms before she comes to mine, I know I will meet her in heaven.
I want her so much. It is hard to process my thoughts.
My heart is broken.
I know Your eyes were not closed when You formed her lovingly in my womb. I am not sure of Your plan for us. I know I trust YOu with that.
My internet friend, Ellie's mom, is making a concious effort to enjoy her days with Ellie. I have enjoyed every little kick and roll, every ultrasound, every precious sign of her precious little life.
Life has been so busy for me. Working full time, Dad's wedding, Hugh's funeral, taking care of the house and kids, planning Sarah's wedding, doctor's appointments, all keeping me exhausted. I am going to make a conscious effort to be conscious of everything I am doing with Isabella. I am going to treasure my time with her. I am going to live in the moment and not wait for the future because today is all I have for sure and I don't want to regret how I spent today.
I hear You speaking to me, Lord, help me to hear.
I just found out again that I may not get to keep her. I know you love her more than I do. If she goes to your arms before she comes to mine, I know I will meet her in heaven.
I want her so much. It is hard to process my thoughts.
My heart is broken.
I know Your eyes were not closed when You formed her lovingly in my womb. I am not sure of Your plan for us. I know I trust YOu with that.
My internet friend, Ellie's mom, is making a concious effort to enjoy her days with Ellie. I have enjoyed every little kick and roll, every ultrasound, every precious sign of her precious little life.
Life has been so busy for me. Working full time, Dad's wedding, Hugh's funeral, taking care of the house and kids, planning Sarah's wedding, doctor's appointments, all keeping me exhausted. I am going to make a conscious effort to be conscious of everything I am doing with Isabella. I am going to treasure my time with her. I am going to live in the moment and not wait for the future because today is all I have for sure and I don't want to regret how I spent today.
I hear You speaking to me, Lord, help me to hear.
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